The Dream, The Corruption, The Anguish...

I know I haven't been posting anything for awhile, it's because I've been busy. Well, it had been a whole year since I had last quit my job, I had to get away from my she-devil boss, low paying income and depressing non-existent social life because I could no longer afford it. In between those months, I had surprisingly gotten really good with my poker skills, playing practically every night since I quit, then also meeting my future boyfriend at the felt, I couldn't escape the game. Texas Hold'em had sustained my life financially and socially, meeting people that I can TRULY call my real friends.

Poker was the best thing that ever happened to me!

But, a year has passed and the poker scene has boomed since then. Even though skills have grown in time, especially with those who had learned it alongside me, the popularity of poker has brought in alot of fishies where skill can be a hard chip to bring in to the table. More people with money can come in and intimidate you with their bankroll and call themselves poker players. I want to be excited about the growth of it, but people aren't grooming the game and the players properly, I see more and more players being bastos at the table, sans felt etiquette, with no respect for the rules and not playing honestly. The game has tired me down... sad no? Weathered down by the new players I see playing every night. The smoke kills me, and I'm killing myself drinking everytime I play, which is, gosh, EVERY NIGHT! (Unlike most players, I'm a rarety, alcohol makes me play better, dunno why, I guess it makes me more adventurous with my selection of hands. Without it, I'm a "tight"-ass, hehehe) Where I'm getting at is, I thought of joining the human race that roam around in the sunlight, I thought, 'it's time to get a job and meddle in society again." As much as I had been dreading it, my parents were getting worried about my current lifestyle, and in fairness, so was I.

I started sending out my resumes but no was biting, until I finally got an offer at abs-cbn in their events department! I went for the interview and found out the starting pay, yuck. Plus the people in the office weren't the type I would get along with. I'm just too different, I'll be side-casted and type-casted, which has always been that way since I was born. Already low, teary-eyed and dreading the upcoming office days, I got a call from a very old good friend of mine the very same day. So surprised to hear from him but so delighted to hear his voice! Brought back our partying days to the surface again, when I used to model here in Manila. Carlo, the stylist du-jour, taught me everything I needed to know about modelling; how to sashay on the catwalk, how to pose, socialize, accessorize, compromise.. he is the sexiest gay man I know. Anyway, he asked me if I was busy.... Hmmmm? What could he mean? "How do you feel about working in Turkey for the European summer?" Wow, I thought, off to a good start. "My cousin's husband owns the biggest, most famous nightclub there in Marmaris, and he's looking for an assistant supervisor" I couldn't believe that Carlo remembered my biggest dream. Ever since I started in the social circuit, I had always directed into things that would lead me in this career. My sight was set on this. To hell with the job here, I'm off to pursue my goal. So Turkey, here I come!

The next 2 weeks after that, all was about preparation of this trip, buying goods, packing clothes, doing research on the club and the country, the people, etc. And spending time with my love. After all, my contract was for 4 months and to you all, it may seem short, but when you're gone and working, it's an awfully long time when you're away from your family and friends. Well, you must be thinking, as is the night club biz any different from the poker lifestyle? Firstly, you're not allowed to drink on the job ( I was surprisingly looking forward to that!), plus I'll have a healthy dosage of sun everyday since I'll be living at the beach! Weeeeee!

My departure day finally came, tears and hugs came pouring out to friends and to Miguel. I wasn't looking forward to the 24 hour trip ahead, but I saw a great lit future in front of me. My travelling companions were, the wife of the owner, and some girls that were going to work as staff there. I went thru immigration, with my German and Filipino passport with no fuss, just waiting for the rest to go thru. UNTIL.... the woman questioned one of the girl's documents... she turned out to be under-aged! With no proper documents approving her of travelling alone! Of course, my friend took responsibility and we were all escorted to the NBI office. Holy fuck... these guys think they're the shit... asking stupid questions plus confiscating all our passports and answeting our cellphones. Why did they give a shit if I work there, I'm German! I can live there for years if I wanted to!!!! Guess what, they accused the wife of human traffiking, what bullshit! We missed our flight and now they were keeping us there longer than we all needed to. Never, in all my years of travelling around the world, have I ever been treated with such disrespect! At the end of the night, we were let go, but they kept our passports. Now, the NBI has kept all our passports for ransom. There is no evidence of a case because the parents of the girl have confirmed and given their consent that she was ok to travel. Such CORRUPT motherfuckers! It was been more than a week now and they're asking for 200k in exchange for our stuff, for something we're NOT even guilty of! I even know of friends who have been caught with drugs, giving less than that amount! Filipinos make it hard for us to be proud to be pinoy. We even have a guy who's supposed to take care of all of this for us but the guy is fucking incompetent! We would have struck a deal properly if he met the SOBs face to face.

God, I pray everyday that this nightmare ends... you don't know what it's like to wake up every morning in tears with your heart racing because you feel like the door of your dreams has completely slammed in your face. All I ask is that people pray and hope for me. I have no more hope in me left. With each day that passes, the dream seems to be slipping away from my fingers. To make matters worse for me, some asshole has gone thru my yahoo mail account (which I've had for 10 plus years) and changed the password! So i have no way of accessing the addresses of my longtime friends and the pictures that I've stored thru the years... WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS END??????? Some people talaga have no lives that they have to tamper with others.

Ugh, well, we'll see if the karmic wheel and if GOD will prevail. Hoping for the best...